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QueuePost > Blog > Books > Hayley Kiyoko: The Four Agreements Is Pure Clarity in Chaos
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Hayley Kiyoko: The Four Agreements Is Pure Clarity in Chaos

Matt Heinemeyer
Matt Heinemeyer
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singer and director Hayley Kiyoko reflecting on healing accountability and creative resilience through The Four Agreements
Hayley Kiyoko discussing The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz on Books That Changed My Life
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Hayley Kiyoko recently joined the podcast to discuss the profound impact of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The multi-talented artist sat down to share how this specific text guided her through her career.

For Hayley, this book served as a grounding force during years of creative hustle. It provided her with a framework to navigate intense industry pressures and personal anxieties. The simple rules offered comfort when her artistic journey felt incredibly overwhelming.

A major medical crisis completely changed how she viewed her life and career. This dark period forced her to look for deeper support.

Special Preview: The Crisis That Sparked Change

In 2016, Hayley suffered a severe concussion and stroke. This traumatic brain injury left her struggling to speak and process information. The health crisis triggered intense mental health struggles and deep anxiety.

During this dark period, she picked up the book her manager had gifted her. The simple agreements unlocked a new way of thinking. They gave her the words to process her internal experiences.

The book helped her regain a sense of agency over her mind. It allowed her to take accountability for what she could control.

Key Insights from Hayley Kiyoko’s Journey:

  • Impeccable Word Choice: Words act as a binding contract. Hayley uses this rule to communicate clearly with her film crews.
  • Release Personal Blame: People act based on their own realities. Realizing this allows empaths to protect their creative energy.
  • Radical Accountability: Choosing to own your choices prevents stagnant energy. It gives you the power to pivot when facing obstacles.

“What I control is how I treat people.” — Hayley Kiyoko

Rewriting the Creative Blueprint

Growing up with an ice skating choreographer mom and a comedian dad, Hayley lived in a highly artistic home. Yet, she constantly craved stability amidst the unpredictable freelance lifestyle of her parents. Watching her mother navigate a declining industry taught her that creative moments are fleeting.

The full conversation is available on the Syndicate X Library YouTube channel.

Art became a vital tool for her personal survival from a very young age. As a biracial, queer youth in a white community, she felt isolated. Writing music allowed her to communicate with her younger self.

Her decade-long journey to adapt Girls Like Girls into a movie tested her resilience. She faced constant rejections and financial hurdles while trying to build her vision. She chose to focus entirely on what she could control. When film funding stalled, she wrote a book instead.

Hayley relies heavily on visual color palettes to build her artistic worlds. For instance, she views the entire Girls Like Girls universe as a warm orange. She intentionally uses soft tones to make her audience feel safe.

Our conversation in Shawn Johnson on The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry further explores how books and storytelling continue to influence public figures and creative culture.

About the Guest: Hayley Kiyoko

Hayley Kiyoko is a singer, author, and film director who grew up in Los Angeles. She launched her hit song Girls Like Girls in 2015 and spent ten years expanding it into a book and a feature film. As a queer, biracial woman of color, she actively works to break boundaries and create authentic representation in media.

Related Links:

  • Explore more episodes of Books That Changed My Life
  • Explore the BTCML Blog
  • Learn more about Don Miguel Ruiz
Matt Heinemeyer

About the Author

Matt Heinemeyer

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TAGGED: Don Miguel Ruiz, Hayley Kiyoko, mental health and resilience, The Four Agreements
Matt Heinemeyer June 30, 2026
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